/Waking Up a ‘7’ / An Agnostic’s View on Serenity & Sobriety

Waking Up a ‘7’ / An Agnostic’s View on Serenity & Sobriety

Waking Up a ‘7’ / An Agnostic’s View on Serenity & Sobriety

September 10, 2020

It’s simpler to like the thriller than be obsessed on a prophecy.

I used to get up fearful, painfully questioning how I would endure the day, inevitably turning to medicine and alcohol to alleviate my stress, thus starting the vicious cycle of dependancy one other 24 hours. That was my actuality. It’s one each addict and alcoholic is aware of sadly and deeply. I used to be within the grip of a Larger Energy that punished me after which saved me, again and again. Evil spirits introduced me to my knees, in a hideous caricature of prayer.

Is it any marvel Invoice Wilson deduced that one thing stronger than spirits was required to alleviate us from their bondage? He selected a spirit that was holy. God. Restoration is absolutely only a grand alternative technique (fellowship rather than barrooms, service earlier than self, and so forth), so I completely get the concept that solely a supreme energy can usurp one other.

Just one downside: What if there isn’t a God?

In AA conferences, I joke that on good days I’m agnostic. But, measuring my serenity on a scale of 1 to 10, most days I get up a 7. All days I get up sober. How is that attainable? Being fairly glad and sober whereas being fairly unsure about God. With out query AA saved my life. With many questions didn’t God.

“God Is or He Isn’t.”

It’s one among a number of strains within the Huge Ebook of Alcoholics Nameless I bristle at. There aren’t many thoughts you. However this assertion has at all times felt spiritual, not non secular. Dogmatic. God didn’t make such a declare. He, She or It wouldn’t. An individual did. Got here to imagine {that a} energy higher than ourselves might restore us to sanity. Virtually each thought, if not phrase, in Step 2 belies the absolutism of God is or He isn’t. “Got here to” and “might” seldom precede calls for.

God, like reality and love, is an enormous concept – the largest. However they’re all ideas, human constructs open to interpretation and gradations of which means. In 12-Step Restoration, we’re beseeched to make amends to folks we’ve got harmed “wherever attainable, besides when to take action would injure them or others.” The reality, subsequently, should be parsed. A murder could also be homicide or manslaughter, voluntary or involuntary. Which is more true turns into a matter of opinion. Conditional love continues to be love, is it not? Perhaps not pure love however higher than no love in any respect.  Huge concepts aren’t absolute; they’re versatile. As is God and the idea in God.

The last word leap of religion, God stays improvable. “Coming to imagine in an influence higher than your self” is a course of, not an end result. Many individuals have gotten sober with out subscribing to an all or nothing God, together with me. Scores have achieved long-term sobriety with out God in any respect. They too get up a 7.

Effectively earlier than creating AA (not to mention placing God into it), Invoice W and Dr. Bob sat down to debate their crippling illness. These intimate and trustworthy conversations have been essential. Nevertheless inadvertently, they’d latched on to what’s, in my view, the best software in all of restoration: the ability of 1 alcoholic speaking to a different. Kindred spirits. Fellow victims. Rubbing antennas. Name it no matter you need. However this, not God, was the wellspring of Alcoholics Nameless. From right here got here the fellowship and sponsorship and a thousand million quiet conversations in Starbucks that has saved extra addicts and alcoholics than God ever has. That’s what I imagine.

For newcomers, skeptical of the “God factor,” even Invoice W’s famously italicized line “God as we understood him” continues to be not sufficient to assuage doubt and cynicism. To them, I say substitute the road with “God as we don’t perceive Him (Her or It).” The pronoun bit goes with out saying but it surely’s the “don’t perceive” piece that modifications minds. How can anybody perceive one thing they can not see or hear, not to mention know? We knew what getting excessive felt like. We don’t perceive what getting God appears like. Why hassle making an attempt? That puzzle has been agonizing students for eons. What likelihood has a withdrawing addict? For me it’s simpler to fall in love with the thriller than be obsessed on a prophecy. Love is summary, too. Whether or not one has love or not few folks doubt that it exists. In lots of a church basement I’ve seen written: GOD IS LOVE. One needn’t perceive both of them.

There’s a religious atheist at my fitness center. I do know this as a result of he at all times wears tee shirts proclaiming his atheism. I’ve counted three totally different shirts to date. It’s bizarre. Unsettling. I might really feel the identical manner about somebody sporting an overtly worshipful tee shirt. Selling such a private perception is off placing. That stated, one of many atheist’s tee shirts made me snort: To start with man created God after which all the issues began.Is it humorous as a result of it’s true? Perhaps. But I nonetheless suppose sporting the joke on his sleeve is inappropriate.

Simply because I’m not spiritual, doesn’t imply I don’t recognize the fables. I do. My favourite is the parable of Unique Sin: the Christian perception {that a} state of sin has existed since Adam and Eve disobeyed God, consuming the forbidden fruit from the tree of information. Is that this not a parable of dependancy? You’ll stay content material and glad so long as you don’t chunk that apple. Oops. With free will we additionally received the bags that got here with it: pleasure, lust, envy and all the opposite character defects we addicts know too properly. Because the daybreak of man we’ve got been making an attempt to clarify our impulsive natures. Perhaps that’s why God was created within the first place. To show us: “Simply Say No.”


I’ve listened to the devoted, the agnostics and the atheists. And that is what I’ve come to imagine: there’s a fifty % likelihood God exists and a fifty % likelihood that he doesn’t. When all of the rabbis flip to mud and the non-believers too it is going to nonetheless be 50 / 50. Is that this a refutation of God? Or affirmation? Don’t know however this I do. If I might get these odds within the lottery I’d play it each day, twice on Sunday. Telling newcomers you may also remind your self: These are nice freaking odds!

One may be content material with out medicine and alcohol, or a better energy. I’m. I recognize life’s nice thriller. I cherish rubbing antennas with one other addict or alcoholic. I attempt to substitute the dangerous issues in my life with issues which can be higher. In the future at a time.

I get up a 7 and might simply bump that quantity up. Or I can select to be depressing. Free will just isn’t purgatory, if used correctly. The closing lyric of U2’s anthem, Metropolis of Blinding Lights sums it up properly: “Blessing’s not only for those who kneel… fortunately.”


Steffan has revealed two novels (obtainable on Amazon). Having labored a few years as a author/artistic director for a number of multi-national promoting businesses, he now serves as a Main Counselor for the therapy of substance use problems at Serenity Knolls in Marin County. Steffan has been clear and sober for 17 years. He often wakes up a 7.

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